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Many parents tell me that counseling children is not that easy. Adults I work with who readily understand the logic of what is referred to as the abstinence-plus approach (one that encourages postponement and also provides information about other methods of preventing unwanted pregnancy and disease) still worry about sending a mixed message: "Don't do that -- but if you do, be sure to use a condom."

But there is another way to counsel teenagers that I know they don't find confusing at all: "First and foremost, we love you, and we want you to be safe. The best way to be safe is to abstain. And, for people who choose not to abstain there are steps they can take to lower the risks." Teenagers don't hear that as a Do/Don't message, but as straightforward evidence of how much adults care about their well-being and about how we expect them to take these decisions very seriously.

..snip..

There is much concern in the public health community that abstinence-only programs leave those young people who ultimately choose not to abstain in a dangerous information vacuum. I see an equally dangerous moral and ethical vacuum, because they are also left without guidance on how to apply the values they have absorbed to the sexual situations in which they will find themselves. How ironic that in the name of "morality" we may diminish young people's ability to think and behave ethically.

I have no problem whatsoever with the concepts of chastity, religion or religious instruction. Each has its place, and I often bring religious views into classroom discussions because they are essential to understanding ourselves and the cultural and political landscape of American society. My problem is with religion and indoctrination masquerading as public education, and with chastity masquerading as abstinence.

And make no mistake, teenagers have a kind of built-in radar for sensing when adults are trying to manipulate them -- including those savvy 12- and 13-year-olds in my seventh-grade classroom the other day. Once they realize that what adults are telling them is in any way disingenuous, they stop listening, no matter how good that advice may be.

So let's stop calling the federal government's approach to sex instruction "abstinence-only education" and start calling it what it really is: chastity-only advocacy. And let's not expect that it will provide the kind of balanced, accurate information that our children need and deserve.